I don't have a Broadway lyric for this title...

My last few posts have been on the serious side, so I decided there needed to be a change. I have come to ask myself a simple question recently – what has happened to television? I’m not sure, but what I am sure of is that it is making us dumber. With a lack of new ideas and an abundance of “reality” shows now on television the world is slowly becoming dumber. This is directly reflected in its programming. Lets first talk about “reality” shows. I put reality shows in quotation marks because they are in no way reality. No one acts like people on those reality shows, they just don’t. If you look at the credits these “reality’ shows have writers and script coordinators. Last time I checked “reality” isn’t scripted. If it is, I want a new scriptwriter. The two “reality” shows that really make me angry are NBC’s “The Biggest Loser” and ABC’s “Fat March” (yes that really is the title). The reason these two get me angry is because they bill themselves as trying to help overweight people, but they are just exploiting them. Before even watching the show you can tell something isn’t right just by the titles. Both titles mock the contestants. On “The Biggest Loser” contestant work with trainers and compete in competitions to lose the most weight. Thus gaining the title “the biggest loser”. I understand the title refers to the people losing weight. These TV executives new what they were doing when they named it that. Even if these poor people win, they are still crowned with the name “the biggest loser”. Last time I checked that was a name usually given to the head of a high school chess team or the leader of the national dungeons and dragons association. Nevertheless the name is derogatory. I’ve never brought myself to watch “Fat March” but I can only imagine what that winner is crowned, maybe “the fattest marcher”? I’m not sure. From what I understand it is a show where a bunch of overweight people walk from Boston to Washington D.C. in order to lose weight. I’m still not convinced that is the best title for the show. Can you imagine the pitch meeting for the title?

Executive #1:Well…um…so far we’ve narrowed it down to…heavy hustle, overweight hike, chubby run, large walk, chunky skip and fat march

Executive # 2: Hmm…those sound great. We just have to pick the one that will be least offensive to overweight people and still target our demographic”

Executive #1: How about ‘Heavy Hustle’?

Executive #2: No that implies that they are dancing. Will they dance?

Executive #1: No, they’ll just march.

Executive #2: Well…let’s go with ‘Fat March’ then. I see nothing wrong with that title.

Executive #1: Neither do I sir.

Okay, reality shows get me crazy so I’m going to shift gears. How about the new TV season? It is September, so now is the time when they bring out all of the terrible television programs that will probably be gone by January. Let’s start with the worst Idea in television – ever, a little show called “Cavemen”. A television show based on the cavemen from the Geico Insurance commercials. Who thinks this is a good idea? There actually had to be someone who looked at those stupid commercials and said,“ hey, I bet a half hour of that would be hilarious”. That person needs to be fired. Its not funny for twenty seconds, what makes anyone in they’re right mind think it will be funny for thirty minutes. This season the classic game show “The Price is Right” is getting a new host after Bob Barker, host for close to 40 years, retired. The new host – Drew Carey. Alright, I’m not a huge fan of him, but he’s funny – at times. What I find funny is that he injured himself the first day on the job. Okay, I don’t usually laugh at other people’s pain (sometimes), but he caught his arm in one of the games as it spun around. Bob barker hosted the show for forty years, not one injury. This guy has the job for less than an hour and ends up in the hospital. I find it amusing. What else? The View has a new co-host. You’re probably thinking the same thing as me; The View is still on? Hugh Jackman and Melanie Griffith have a new Drama debuting on CBS. There is good news and bad news about this show. The good news is that it is a musical and Hugh Jackman will be singing. The bad news is that it is a musical and Melanie Griffith will be singing, too. Fox is trying it’s hand at producing something good that isn’t ‘Family Guy’ with ‘Back to You’. It’s a newsroom comedy starring Kelsey Grammar and Patricia Heaton. Heaton will star as a news anchorwoman and Grammar will start as Frasier (the only character he knows how to play). Pee Wee Herman (Paul Reubens) will return to TV in ABC’s ‘Pushing Daisies’. The premise of this show being a man can touch dead people and bring them back to life. A commercial for the show says that the man touches murder victims, brings them back to life for a few minutes, finds out who killed them and collects the rewards for turning those people in. That is a terrible premise. If this guy has the ability to bring people back to life why doesn’t he just let them live? Rather than kill them again and gain money by exploiting their death. Get this – it’s a comedy. I don’t understand television. It really is the reason American’s are stupid.