Any Dream Will Do?

My Life is slowly becoming a full-fledged musical. I’ve already owned up to the fact that I am Bobby from Company. I’m also aware I think a lot like the Baker’s Wife from Into the Woods (do I see a Sondheim theme here?). What happened to me this weekend really kind of scared me into thinking that any day my life could complete turn into a musical, with people bursting into song all around me. When that happens it will be either the best day of my life or the day I check into Bellevue. To paraphrase The Drowsy Chaperone “Anyone who breaks out into song in real life is just hopelessly deranged”. That was a long opening paragraph to get what I really wanted to talk about my own “dream ballet”. As you probably know I’m not a fan of the “dream ballet” that occurs in Oklahoma. Well after seeing it three time in the past two weeks it apparently have taken over my subconscious.

***Let me preface this explanation of my own “dream ballet” by saying that the names of the people in the dream have been changed to protect the innocent ( and because the two people who read my blog know one if not both of the people in the dream) ***

So went away this weekend and like I always do on long trips I fell a sleep. Luckily I don’t drive because that could have spelled disaster for those in the car. Now this is the first of what I can only assume will be the recurring “marriage dreams”. I’ve had all the regular dreams. I don’t know if this makes any sense, but work with me. “Marriage dreams” are dreams in which your fears about marriage or relationship become very clear. Its ridiculous really because I’m not in a relationship nor am I getting married any time soon. Up until this point I haven’t had any as vivid as this one. Anyway this marriage dream falls directly into the “dream ballet” category because it mirrored the dream that Laurey has in Oklahoma. I’m not sure if it actually did but, it reminded me a great deal of it anyway. So here it is:

I’m was standing at an alter and down the aisle walks my bride. I think to myself “wow, she’s beautiful even more beautiful than I ever remember”. She gets to me and I remove her veil which has been hiding her face this entire time. I look at her and she is Jane 1 ( I’ll number them to make it easier). Jane 1 is an attractive friend of mine who I have never had an interest in marrying and never will (no offense to her). I realize it is her and start to freak out and start telling everyone in the church that there has been a mistake. I begin to run out of the church when two people who I would never invite to my wedding (they are just acquaintances) tackle me and tell me I have to marry Jane 1. They drag me back to the alter and I tell Jane 1 I can’t marry her. She doesn’t understand why and tells the priest to start. He begins to marry us and I find that I cannot move. I am stuck there. She says, “oh, well”. Finally at the top of my lungs I yell, “ I can’t marry you. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with you. I can’t spend my life with you. I would much rather marry (as I scan the crowd I see Jane 2) Jane 2!”. Jane 2 stands up and runs over to me. I explain that although Jane 1 is attractive and all I can’t marry Jane 1. I don’t recall the reasons I gave her I just know I convince her and the guests at the wedding I should marry Jane 2. The crowd seems stunned and all of the sudden a lynch mob, straight out of ‘Frankenstein’, begins to attack Jane 2 running her out of the church, pitchforks and all. That was the point when I woke up.

I don’t think I have ever remembered a dream so vividly in my entire life. I’m not into the whole “what does your dream mean?” thing, but after that I’m curious. I wonder if there is any strange lessons that should be learned from it (other than to remind my wedding guest to leave pitchforks at home). I just feel there had to be some reason why the dream was so vivid and why I remembered it so vividly. I don’t know what it is. If either of you (yes the two who read my blog) want to try to interpret it please do so. I’m looking for any insight. Its been bothering me for the past couple of days. Anyway…just thought I’d get that out of my system. I don’t understand it and hopefully soon I will. Hopefully I won’t be having any more dreams like that any time soon.

Into the woods I have to go.....

I’ve had an interesting couple of weeks. I’ve ended my four-month Richter marathon when ‘On The Twentieth Century’ closed a couple of weeks ago. My class is almost over which means out into the world I will go. I have to begin the job hunt. Fun. I came to realize this is my last “summer”. While the actual season will not go away the meaning of it will. Summer was always the time before going back to school. Well, no more of that for me. In a few weeks I will hold my membership card to the world – a diploma. It means I’m a functioning person in society. I can’t use the “I’m a student” excuse anymore. Seeing as this is my last “summer” I decided to reflect on what has taken place this summer. I came to one conclusion – I wouldn’t trade it for the world. As much as I complained and hemmed and hawed (yes I said hawed – I am 72!) about doing two musicals back to back and all the rehearsal time I spent at Richter. I loved every minute of it. The people involved in my life this summer and the moments.

I say moments not referring to every single second that passed by, but the times this summer that really impacted my life in good ways and in bad. I am reminded of a song in Into The Woods with the following lyrics:

Just a moment,
One peculiar passing moment...
Must it all be either less or more,
Either plain or grand?
Is it always "or"?
Is it never "and"?
That's what woods are for:
For those moments in the woods...

Oh. if life were made of moments,
Even now and then a bad one-!
But if life were only moments,
Then you'd never know you had one.

It got me thinking about “moments” I’ve had this summer and how I tried to categorize them much like the Baker’s wife does in this song. Who defines what our moments are? Society seems to dictate what our “moments” should be. Shouldn’t we be the ones to decide? “must it either be less or more? / either planned or grand? / is it always or? / is it never and?”. Our moments need to fit a certain category not only in society, but with our own expectations. Personally, this summer, I don’t feel like I have lived up to what my mind tells me these moments should be. I don’t know if I’m making any sense but I need to vent. Is there no in between for certain moments? Is it always less or more than we expected? Why can’t it be just what we expected? Why do we always get choices with moments. And why do I always seem to make the wrong choice when it comes to moments.

The Baker’s wife sings “if life were only moments / then you’d never know you had one”. This addresses that time in between. The time you have to reflect on those moments and realize that you’ve done something horribly wrong or something fantastically right. That time is the “conscience”. Moments come sporadically and without planning, all you can do is let them happen. The look back and criticize. I find myself criticizing more and more what I shouldn’t be criticizing. I just don’t understand it. Why can’t I just let my moments be moments and not analyze them to death?

The song ends with the Baker’s wife singing:

Let the moment go...
Don't forget it for a moment, though.
Just remembering you've had and "and",
When you're back to "or",
Makes the "or" mean more
Than it did before.
Now I understand-

And it's time to leave the woods.

The Baker’s wife realizes that no matter how much we scrutinize our moments, they are just that – moments. They help define who you are, but they are just a small portion of who you are, they are not life changing events. Is that really true? Moments can drastically affect a life. If the Baker’s wife told the Baker about kissing the prince, what would have happened? Would he have left her? There have a been a ton of moments this summer that I have reflected on recently and wondered “what if?”, but then I realize that would only get me crazy if I focused on that. I have come to the realization there is a reason I act the way I do. There is a reason the moments I have had this summer turned out the way they did. What that reason is, is still unclear to me. When I figure it out I will let you know. I understand if this entry is a little cryptic, but honestly it makes sense, I promise.